Freedom as Behavior Change: A Behavior Analytic Reflection
Key Takeaways on Freedom
- Freedom is non-conformity: Choosing not to organize your life around the expectations of others.
- Separation of tasks: What others think or feel about you is their responsibility—not yours.
- Freedom is an active choice: It’s not impulsivity, but the willingness to move against the pull of validation-seeking.
I recently listened to an audio book of The Courage to Be Disliked. By the end, I related deeply to the young character in dialogue with the philosopher: someone searching for clarity, despite having “done everything right.”
I worked hard, achieved long-term academic goals, and earned my PhD. Yet, after many years in preparation for a career, I was laid off. I felt something many people experience but may be reluctant to say out loud: I was uncertain, anxious, and unfulfilled.
For many of us—especially those navigating upward mobility, family expectations, or identity-based pressures—success is often defined externally. We’re taught that stability, achievement, or status will bring fulfillment. But what happens when you reach those milestones and still feel stuck?
For me, this book, and my ongoing commitment to personal growth, helped surface a pattern I had carried for years: a persistent concern with how I was perceived. What others thought about how I spoke, dressed, worked, or showed up. That “audience” often dictated my behavior, sometimes at the expense of my own values.
From Insight to Behavior Change
After finishing the book, I began intentionally practicing the concept of separation of tasks (see above). I started journaling fears that showed up in my work as a leader and entrepreneur:
- “What if I let someone down?”
- “What if they think I’m not competent?”
- “What if I embarrass myself?”
Over time, something shifted. Not perfection—but flexibility. I still experience worry, but I’m free from its coercion. There’s a growing sense of freedom in recognizing that I cannot control how others interpret my actions. My responsibility is to act in alignment with my values and skills. Nothing more, nothing less.
And then it clicked: this is behavior change.
A Behavior Analytic Lens on Freedom
For B. F. Skinner, freedom was not something we possess, but something shaped by the conditions we live under, particularly freedom from coercion and behavioral traps.
For me, one of those traps was verbal in nature. I had cultivated a world in which every decision, mistake, or interaction felt subject to judgment.
Or, to frame it through verbal behavior: Skinner describes verbal behavior as behavior occurring in the presence of a listener. Even in private events (our thoughts) we function as both speaker and listener.
That means when I think:
~ “What if they think I’m incompetent?”
I am both generating the thought and responding to it.
Here’s where separation of tasks becomes powerful.
As the listener, I don’t have to automatically interact with every thought produced by the speaker (myself). Instead, I can pause and ask:
- Have I acted in line with my values?
- Have I done what is within my control?
- Is there evidence supporting this fear?
If the answer is yes, yes, no—I’ve done what I can, then the rest is no longer my task.
This creates space. And that space is what we often experience as freedom. I am not acting to avoid punishment -real or imagined- I am behaving in accordance with the positive reinforcement relations that matter to me.
Changing the Function of Thoughts
How we respond to our thoughts as a listener influences their strength over time.
If we consistently engage with anxious or self-critical thoughts as if they are facts, we strengthen them as well as the entire chain of responses that follow. Over time, this can create traps of chronic avoidance, stress, and missed opportunities for meaningful reinforcement.
Responding differently through questioning, reframing, or disengaging can alter their impact.
This does not mean eliminating thoughts. It means changing their function.
Applying Behavioral Principles to Everyday Challenges
For example, in my work as a behavior analyst, I frequently have to provide feedback and updates to caregivers. I would often experience stressful thoughts when caregiver interactions seemed stalled or tense. In these situations, I can challenge these thoughts by leaning on our philosophical assumptions to guide this process.
- Empiricism:
Is there evidence for this thought?
If a caregiver hasn’t responded or replies in a harsh tone, does that mean they doubt my competence—or could there be other explanations?
- Parsimony:
What is the simplest explanation?
They may simply be busy or have had a rough day. A kind follow-up is enough.
- Pragmatism:
Is this way of thinking helping me?
Avoidance may feel protective in the moment, but it limits growth and opportunity. Avoidance limits pain, but it also limits reach and effectiveness.
In practice, I’ve found that many of my fears were not only unhelpful, but they were also often inaccurate. Parents were busy, dealing with insurance barriers, or navigating their own stressors. It was rarely about me.
Freedom in Practice
For those of us balancing multiple identities—professional, parent, first-generation, entrepreneur—self-criticism can become deeply ingrained, complex behavioral patterns. We may even be perceived by others as compassionate or capable, while internally experiencing constant self-doubt.
But when we begin to:
- Separate what is ours from what is not
- Respond differently to our internal dialogue
- Act consistently with our values rather than our fears
We create meaningful, lasting behavior change.
And with that change comes something powerful:
Freedom—not as a feeling or something to possess, but as a pattern of behavior.
Resources
Skinner, B. F. (1957). Verbal behavior. Appleton-Century-Crofts.
Kishimi, I., & Koga, F. (2018). The courage to be disliked: The Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness. Atria Books.